How You Can Be More Confident
Have you ever stepped into a room and felt uncomfortable?
What if that room was buzzing with energy? People engaged in conversation.
Laughter echoing against the walls, and a vibrant atmosphere that should have been inviting.
But for you, it was an overwhelming sea of faces, each one a potential interaction filled with unknowns.
You’re not sure where to stand. Who to talk to. What to say? You’re paralysed by the situation. Caught in the grip of self doubt.
Just be more confident.
If only it was that simple.
Today we’re breaking down what confidence truly means, why you might not be confident and then we’ll break down 13 ways that you can build confidence.
What is confidence?
To me, confidence is having a profound belief in yourself. It’s not just a buzzword, it’s how you navigate the world.
Being confident is a skill.
It means that you have trust in your abilities and you’re secure in who you are.
Confidence comes from taking action.
And being confident has so many benefits in the real world because the more confident you become;
- the better you’ll communicate with others,
- you’ll be more adaptable,
- you’ll have more resilience,
- you’re more likely to be a positive influence to those around you,
- you’ll be more assured in your decision making,
and when you believe in your abilities and value yourself, you are less likely to succumb to self-doubt, anxiety, and stress.
But where do your fears and doubts about yourself come from?..
Why do you lack confidence?
Is it from social media, where everyone is living a seemingly perfect life and you’re not?
Is it from your friends and family? Is it from your upbringing? Does it come some form of physical or emotional trauma?
Whatever it is, it’s probably casting a shadow on your self esteem. If we dig deeper, the reasons why we lack confidence lead to a lot of negative feelings.
Because if you lack confidence, you probably care too much about what others think.
If you lack confidence, you probably have a lot of negative thoughts about yourself.
These destructive thoughts can be big roadblocks and they can damage the mindset needed for confidence to thrive.
You might also be comparing yourself with others.
Social media can make you feel inadequate because of the endless comparisons we make when we’re online. You also probably brush off compliments instead of internalising and appreciating them and doing this can contribute to a negative self-perception.
And you probably underestimate your own capabilities.
When you’re not confident - you’ll be doubting yourself. You might be shy. You might not want to take risks. You might not try new things because you’ll be afraid of making mistakes.
This actually used to be me
So how do we become more confident?
How do we develop this skill?
Before we go into the 13 methods to help make you more confident, I want you to picture someone confident.
Maybe someone famous, a sportsperson, a friend or even someone you know.
Now, picture them walking into that room I described at the start. The one brimming with energy, laughter and conversation.
As they enter, they don't hesitate to take a moment to look around the room with a calm assurance. Imagine them effortlessly strolling over to join a group in conversation.
Notice how they seamlessly navigate the space. Their body language - open, inviting, and expressive. They maintain eye contact. They listen actively, absorbing the words spoken, and respond with a poised composure that leaves a lasting impression.
They are comfortable in that room, or any room for that matter. They exude confidence.
This picture is not just a daydream; it's a blueprint for the kind of confidence we're aiming to create. And just on that - no one is born confident.
You become confident. Confidence doesn’t just happen.
It comes from taking action. It’s a continuous process. It’s a byproduct of the evidence you’ve built through your life experiences. And being confident is actually quite important.
Because life will continuously throw challenges at us, as long as we’re alive. If you had more self confidence to face those challenges, you will be far better off than if you weren’t.
Let’s go through the 13 things you can do to build confidence.
1. The first thing is to speak clearly.
Try articulating your thoughts with clarity and conviction. Slow it down and don’t rush your words when you’re speaking.
Your words have weight, and the way you express them influences how others perceive you. Pause between phrases and thoughts.
And - you don’t need to shout.
2. Be intentional with your life.
I could probably do a whole video on this point but I’ll keep it brief.
If you have a purpose, a reason for why you wake up in the morning.
You will be living an intentional life. Your decisions will be aligned with your values and goals. If you ask a successful person or someone on a mission what the plan is for the week or the month.
They will tell you. And on top of that, they probably won’t care what you think. Because their purpose means more than what others think about them.
To be intentional - clarify your purpose, identify passions, and set goals for yourself. This can really help with your confidence
3. Stop asking permission.
Stop seeking validation. Stop comparing yourself to others. Confidence flourishes when you trust your thoughts and judgments.
You need to start embracing your uniqueness. No on can compete with you on being you.
4. Hit the gym.
Lift heavy weights. This is important for so many reasons. Going to the gym regularly will improve your health.
When you feel strong and fit, you will become physically more empowered and have more of a positive body image about yourself.
Which can make you feel more confident. Also, exercise causes the release of endorphins, the "feel-good" hormones, which can positively impact your mood and reduce stress.
Better mental health contributes to a more positive self-perception and therefore, more confidence. One thing I’ve noticed is that going gym regularly requires discipline and consistency.
Developing and sticking to a workout routine demonstrates commitment and self-control, fostering a sense of personal responsibility that contributes to overall confidence.
5. Eat healthy food.
It's essential. Fuel your body with nutritious food. When you eat well, you’ll feel energised.
When you’re eating junk, you’ll probably feel like shit.
It's not just about appearances; it's about looking after your body - a healthy body fosters a confident mind.
6. Eye contact.
Maintain eye contact in conversation.
This one is a small thing that can have a big impact on making a person feel person feel validated and accepted when you’re talking with them. Eye contact projects sincerity and confidence.
If you find it difficult to hold a gaze longer than just a couple of seconds, when you break eye contact don’t just look at the ground or your feet. Look to the side or up.
7. Open body language.
Confidence is not just about having your shoulders pegged back, your chest out and your chin up.
Ok yes, doing those things can help, but confidence is also being able to sit comfortably in a chair and being able to control the space around you. Keep it open, inviting and expressive.
8. Take pride in your appearance.
This isn’t about vanity, it's about self-respect. Dress in a way that makes you feel confident. Your external presentation can really influence your internal state of mind.
9. Take risks.
The next tip is to take risks and try something new.
Stepping out of your comfort zone can be really powerful in building resilience, courage, and therefore, confidence. Taking risks and trying new things creates a positive feedback loop.
The more experiences you expose yourself to, the more you can learn, adapt, and grow. And this can really help with building confidence.
10. Embrace failure.
I want you to make failure your friend.
If you embrace failure as a natural thing, you can reduce the paralysing fear associated with making mistakes. This shift in perspective can really help you to develop a more proactive and fearless approach to challenges, which can help with your overall confidence.
You need to accept failure because it provides important learning opportunities. Failure is a stepping stone to success.
11. Eliminate self talk.
Pay attention to what you’re saying to yourself in your mind. You need to shift your internal dialogue.
"I can't do anything right" has to become "I can do better next time" or "At least I learned something."
Having a positive mental attitude can really go a long way. If you’re struggling with this you might want to try meditation.
It can help you to recognise and accept yourself. Discussed in more depth below.
This was a real game-changer for me
12. Solve problems.
Being a problem solver is key to building confidence.
The more problems you solve, the more confident you become in your ability to handle various situations. Solving problems sharpens your critical thinking and really encourages adaptability.
Do the hard things and try to see those challenges as opportunities for growth.
13. Do everything you say you will.
Following through on your commitments establishes trust in your own abilities.
When you deliver on what you promise, you reinforce the belief that you’re reliable. This creates a foundation of self-trust that is so important for building confidence. Because reliability is associated with confidence.
This one is really important to me.
I want to be a man of my word.
Whether it’s telling my friend I’ll meet them at the gym at 6am or if I say to a colleague that I’ll go and see that patient for them.
If you are someone that does what you say you will, you are demonstrating accountability and it also enhances your credibility in the eyes of those around you.
How you do anything is how you do everything.
And I want you to remember that no one is born confident, confidence is a skill and it’s a byproduct of competence. It come from taking action.
And remember, confidence isn’t “I know they’ll like me”. It’s “I’m okay if they don’t”.
Hope this article helps you in some way, if it does, that's mission accomplished for me.
A quote from a great
Believe in yourself, even if no-one else does
Z
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