Dealing with death
The capacity for us to assimilate and convey complex emotions is what makes us human in this life. Death is a part of life, and it is a part of medicine.
For most people, they might stand side by side or accompany someone who’s dying only a handful of times in their life.
Unfortunately this happens much more often to doctors. Let's lift the lid and talk about dealing with the inevitable, death.
Nobody really tells you how to cope with death in medical school.
You’re maybe given some sessions on mindfulness and you’re encouraged to speak to someone if you’re upset about something like a patient dying. You’ll encounter tough moments. How do you prepare or cope?
You learn to break bad news to patients and their relatives. You tell patients that their condition is terminal. I’ve seen lots of families grieving and no two situations are the same.
You might be asked to confirm the death of a patient. This involves a quick medical exam to confirm that they are indeed, dead.
At night, you’re typically covering more wards and therefore you’re responsible for a lot more patients so the chances of you encountering death is greater.
I remember certifying a death during the night and the family members were asked by the nurse if they could leave the room for a few minutes whilst this took place. As they were walking out of the room I could feel their sorrow and misery in their tears, you could hear a pin drop in the silence, pure sadness. It can be overwhelming sometimes - the person in front of you lived a lifetime of experiences, and now it was the end.
You have to compartmentalise it because the rest of your shift continues. There are still other people you have to look after. You need some sense of detachment.
It’s completely fine to feel bad or sad about a death, I think it would be strange if you didn't. But at the same time, you need to be able to move on and take care of the next patient - there are people who still need your help.
I remember as I was leaving the room I wanted to console the family. I didn’t even get a chance to visit them in the quiet room before my bleep started to go off and I was needed elsewhere.
You’re always in “action mode”.
There might be moments in the day or night where you’re overwhelmed. Or maybe you haven’t had a chance to think, process or fully deal with the emotions that you face.
It’s hard to switch off and these moments tend to be brushed off.
But death is not something that can always be prevented or avoided, so it is important to approach it with a sense of acceptance and understanding. It’s important to reflect on these moments. There are ways to prepare and cope with it in a healthy way.
Ok so how do I deal with it?
Whatever strategy you use might work for you and not for someone else. Emotions are personal. One of the best ways to prepare for coping with death is to acknowledge and accept that it is a natural part of working in medicine. Engaging in self-reflection and mindfulness practices to better understand your own feelings and beliefs about death is a good place to start.
Another important aspect of coping with death is building a strong support network. This can include colleagues, family members and friends who can provide emotional support and help you to process emotions and feelings.
In addition to building a support network, it is important to prioritize self-care when coping with death. This can include engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment outside of work, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with your friends.
When faced with tough moments, it can be helpful to have a plan in place for how to cope. This can include strategies for managing stress and anxiety, such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, or taking breaks when needed. It can also include seeking out additional resources or support when necessary, such as a mentor or professional supervisor.
Remember, it starts with self care. Prevention is better than cure.
If you’re already struggling, the death of a patient can hit you even harder than you might anticipate.
The key is to find healthy ways to cope so rather than just “switching off” your feelings, try to be present.
Write. Meditate. Journal. Speak to colleagues over a cup of tea. Finding a creative outlet for your feelings can also help.
Ultimately, coping with death in the healthcare profession requires a combination of preparation, support, and self-care.
A quote from a great
Have a great day,
Z
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